when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
