i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
