I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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