I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
