did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
honey bunches of taint.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
