if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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