oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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