Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
