So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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