I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
