just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have already put on my inside pants.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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