so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
