On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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