Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
