i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
