i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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