you turned your livingroom into a bong?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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