I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
