I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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