Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Houston, we have a blender
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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