Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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