i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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