she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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