wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
