Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
