I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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