i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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