the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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