Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
