I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
