How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
