my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
