My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
