Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize