at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
