do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
