I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
