the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Your tits are I can't wait for
Jerry, you need to find god
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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