you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
