im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
