dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
