i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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