Midget sex pt 2 tonight
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
