His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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