just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
