I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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