Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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