Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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