sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
