It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
