she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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