All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
do nipples grow back?
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