john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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