Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love you. Go after that dick
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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