Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
