It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
