I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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