he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
