He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
