What a fucking waste of an outfit
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
