So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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