Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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