I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
