I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
