I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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