One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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