i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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