kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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