Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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