Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
