He uses pillows to masturbate.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
