Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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