How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
