when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
