The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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