11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
